Days go by...

Since all health scares my way have been put on hold for now the normal routine has come back into play. Months, days and seconds go by with the quickness of an intake of a breath and you are left wondering how you got to today. Yesterday is just a blur and you try to envision tomorrow. I remember trying to envision what Little Man would look like going off to preschool. How excited he would be, if he would be nervous or  the best way to prepare him for being in the care of someone else. I tried to picture all these things but when they actually happen it's so different. 

Little Man started preschool last week. I did not get emotional like I always thought I would. I think that will happen when he starts kindergarten. His nerves only lasted the amount of time it took to walk from the car to the doors of the school and he saw the surprise welcome of a bubble machine. I let go of his hand once we reached the sidewalk for the school and let him walk ahead a few steps. My Little Man, with his Spiderman backpack and new school shoes. He looked so much older than he really was. 

It was such a roller coaster ride trying to decide yes or no on preschool for C.J. It was such a large expense but we knew that it would be a wonderful start to his education and getting him socialized. So we will take it month by month and keep our fingers crossed for the best for our little family. 

The best week ever

After my last post Fear. Anger. Jealousy. Regret I vowed to have the best week ever with my Little Man before my biopsy Friday. I am happy to say that every day so far has been wonderful, filled with fun and lasting memories. 


Monday we started out by going to Chuck E Cheese with some tokens we had stashed away. Had lunch and an ice cream then after dinner went to the dollar theater and saw 'The Lorax'. It was a great movie and had an incredible message. One of the quotes will stay with me forever. 


“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,

Nothing is going to get better. It's not.”

― Dr. Seuss, The Lorax


I know that C.J. is too young to even begin to understand the meaning behind that quote but I will recite it often to him. 


Tuesday we took the light rail train into uptown and went to ImaginOn. It's a huge library with lots of activities for kids- and it's free. I can't believe we hadn't gone before, but we will go back. C.J. had so much fun riding the light rail and can't wait to do it again. Then we had lunch at my parents house. Little Man came across a dollar and used it to get some M&M's. 


Today the morning started out stormy and yucky. So some great friends invited us as guests to go to the indoor pool at the Y. We had so much fun, and eventually the skies cleared up enough for some fun in the outdoor pool. 


We have plans for tomorrow that I'm hoping will pan out.



As I was reading him a book before bed I completely lost it. I don't know what came over me and attempted to compose myself but couldn't. The tears would not stop. I don't know how I became so lucky to have brought such an amazing person into this world. His infancy, I took for granted and I regret that. All those sleepless nights filled with feedings, those days when nothing went right- I just wished they would be over so fast and they were, but along with everything else. It went by so fast and I wont get any of those moments back. I can close my eyes and see a small baby, so warm and sweet and trusting asleep in my arms and I open them and see a living room cluttered with cars and super heroes. Where have the last two years gone? If you are reading this and have a new born, or are expecting or are planning on becoming a parent please take this advice. Cherish it all. The constant feedings, the sleep training, the puke, the diaper blow outs. Everything that you think sucks, and as much as it does, don't wish it away so fast. Because it's going to be gone in the blink of an eye. 


I'm so proud of the Little Man that my baby has become. He's brave and curious and smart. He is going to do wonderful things in this world and leave it better than when he came into it. I just pray that I will get to see all of the amazing things to come in his life. 

fear. anger. jealousy. regret. terror.

I have a biopsy scheduled for Friday.

Last month I felt a lump on my throat. Immediately I was concerned, emotional and scared. I went to my doctor, she did some blood work and reassured me it was probably just a cyst. All my blood work was great- I shouldn't be loosing sleep and stressing over it. I felt a little better after talking with her. I was praying a lot and finding comfort in my family and friends. My fears began to subside a bit. Then I received a call from my doctor, I needed to have an ultrasound done. They were concerned because the lump seemed to move and change size. I was beginning to get nervous again. I remember sitting in the waiting room hoping that the ultrasound would show nothing, it was just a bump. Nothing serious, nothing at all. During the ultrasound I asked the technician if he knew what it was. He didn't know, the ultrasound would be sent to a doctor to be reviewed.

It was 3 days before I got the call from a nurse. The lump was not a cyst, it was a nodule located on my thyroid. I needed to have a biopsy. I think it's obvious to everyone where my mind went... cancer.

So now I have to wait to have a biopsy... to find out what is going on. My fear is coming back. I look at my son and my stomach drops. Trying not to imagine all the things I could miss if the worse happens. First day of school, watching his sporting events, taking summer vacations, graduation. The small moments. Cuddling watching cartoons in the mornings, playing with his cars, listening to his laugh, watching his excitement grow knowing that something fun is about to happen. All these things I would miss. How would it affect him? What if this is the worse thing? What if I get sick and it drags on? What if he has to see that happen?

There are so many different feelings I have. It scares me the things I think about.

Jealousy. Jealousy that if this does take me away that my husband would remarry. Someone else could make him happier than I did. Someone else would raise my child. Would they be able to do more for him than I could? They would have all those special moments and times that I wanted. Would they miss me? Would my son forget about me? Would whoever takes my place help him to remember me? Would all my wishes for him happen? Will this person be sure my family will always be important and a large part of his life?

Anger. Anger that this is happening to me. There are so many horrible, terrible people in the world. Why would this happen to me and not them? I feel like I'm being punished.

Regret. All of the stupid things I've stressed over that weren't important. I wasted so much time on ridiculous things that meant nothing. They were not important. My family is important, life, being happy... these are what are important to me. I wasted so much time on things and not enough time on the important factors in my life. So this week I'm spending everyday making sure my son knows happiness. Before I get the results of the biopsy. Pure, innocent fun.

Maybe I'm over reacting. It's possible that what I have is nothing. But I'm not taking my chances of missing out on the opportunity of having fun with CJ. My Little Man. My reason for fighting.

Let go and break free

Somewhere in the world today someone lost someone they loved. Their world will never be the same, they are heart broken and inconsolable. I recently learned of a couple who lost their baby after delivering early. I can't even begin to fathom the pain they are feeling. After learning of this loss my mind went to my family. We don't know how long we are going to be graced with each other, with those we love. It could be tomorrow we are forced to say good-bye or it could be years from today. While I don't like to think about these types of things it really made me consider the things I have done, and will do today because tomorrow is not promised at all. Did I tell everyone that is special to me thank you for being in my life? Did I tell my friends that they have all impacted me in ways I can't even begin to describe? Did I sit with my dogs and just pet them and tell them they bring me joy? Have I called my parents and told them I love them and am grateful for everything they've done for me? Did I take an extra 5 or 10 minutes to just study my son's face? It changes everyday. Did I do something special with him because he wanted to? The answer is no, not today. And that answer breaks my heart. They say never give up and always strive for more. I believe these are great words to live by. But I also believe the lines have been blurred somewhere along the road. Never giving up is great until you are constantly stressed about something that it wears you to the bone and you've forgotten why you were reaching for that something to begin with. Why are we all so wired for stress? I see these people, they are so laid back and they could have the world falling apart under their feet and they are still smiling happy and care free. How do they do it? I'm envious. That is the type of person I want to be. It's who I strive to be. But then something happens and I begin to stress and worry, and then life happens. Cooking, cleaning, running errands. Then I'm exhausted by the end of the day. Then I lay in bed and think of all the things I should have done that day instead of worrying about making sure the laundry was done or making sure dinner was ready at a certain time. And then I promise myself the next day will be different. I will slow down, not let the stress of my life get to me and just enjoy the day. Then I wake up and have a million things going through my mind and rush around and forget all of those promises I had just made to myself. It's a pattern and I don't know how to break it. I think alot of people have this problem. Sometime's when I'm busy doing something Little Man will come up to me and say he wants to do something like go to the park. And I'll reply with "Not right now kiddo, Mommy's busy". To which he reply's "CJ go to park tomorrow?". So now I'm left to wonder how many time's I've promised him that tomorrow we will do something because today we are busy. What if we never got that tomorrow? Life happens too fast. We need to stop saying maybe tomorrow and start doing things now. Start enjoying our lives. Screw the dishes, screw the laundry, screw the bills for now. Screw the stress. Take a sick day when your not just to lay in bed with your spouse and talk. Take a road trip with your family. Enjoy the company of an old friend. Spend a day with your parents. Take your dog for a walk. Take the only 5 dollars you have to your name and let your kid spend it on candy. ENJOY LIFE. LET GO OF WHAT WE HAVE BEEN WIRED TO THINK WE NEED AND BREAK FREE FROM IT! Tomorrow may not come so let's stop being consumed by what the main stream is telling us. Bigger, better, faster. I say we need to realize how small we are in this huge world. I say we don't need better because we are already surviving on the best we have. I say screw the faster because I want to see things as they are happening, not buzzing by me so fast I didn't have a chance to check it out. Still go for your dreams and keep trying if you fail. Don't let it consume you though. And it's okay to want more but don't spend your whole life chasing after something just because someone told you it was what you are supposed to have. Do it because you want to. I am taking a personal pledge. To say screw you stress. Everything will be okay in the end. And if it's not, then it is not the end. Press on and be happy. I want to be that person who when the world begins to crumble at my feet I just get up and shuffle to a different spot with a smile on my face. I want all of my today's to be awesome. I know this will be a difficult thing to do, I have a habit of letting myself get caught up in the stress of a situation and then dwell on it. But from here out I'm going to try with all my might to stop. Because this could be our last today.

The new direction

In case you hadn't heard I've been working on another blog with on of my good friends. 2 Moms and a Blog focuses on DIY stuff, crafts, frugal living with kids etc. You can check out what we've been up to lately at www.2momsandablog.blogspot.com I wanted to let you all know of the new direction 'Little Man and Me' is going to take. I started this blog back in 2010 as a creative outlet and a place for family and friends, or anyone interested for that matter, to keep up to date on us. I ended up sharing recipes crafts and even did a giveaway. 'Little Man and Me' will remain as an outlet to get things out, just write and share things about my family. I want to thank everyone who has been a reader of this blog. With lots of different post I've actually received emails from complete strangers offering words of strength, hope and thanks and it has been a great feeling to know that I've reached out to people. So please be sure to check out '2 Moms and a Blog' for all things crafty, DIY and frugal! www.2momsandablog.blogspot.com And keep checking back here for updates on Little Man and Me!

Stuff and more stuff about stuff.

I've been neglecting this blog. Big time. I am not sure why. I have tons to say, tons on my mind but some things I just don't know how to put into words. Other things I chose to keep private and some things I fear will be taken the wrong way. I've got to learn to get past the fear of how my thoughts and feelings will be perceived by my family and friends. Soon I hope to be able to do just that with this blog. Use it as an outlet to get things off my chest.


On another note, a late note we had a fun Valentine's day around here. Little Man was so happy to get a couple of new matchbox planes in his goody bag along with some cookies and a DVD. We had some fun with streamer that I had left over from some failed craft projects. It kept him busy for quite a while.

We decorated the windows in our dinning room with some wax hearts that were inspired by Pinterest.

and we decorated cookies.

I also decided to turn one of the walls in our kitchen into an art display for Little Man. I've been finding art canvas' on sale like crazy here lately and get them as often as I can. I'll give Little Man the canvas, some cotton balls or toy cars to paint with. I've even cut an apple in half and let him use that as a stamp. He loves to paint, and I love to watch him.

I even had a little fun with the paint too!

I do hope it wont be another month before I update again. But until then...

hugs from me and Little Man

Growing up...

My Little Man is growing up so fast. Too fast. We toured a pre-school last week. Being the terrible Mom that I am, I secretly wished he would hate it... to give me another reason to wait to enroll him. But no, he settled right in and loved it.


Why must you keep getting older and more independent sweet Little Man? 


When he get's a boo-boo the hugs to make him feel better don't last as long. 3 seconds after holding him he says "CJ okay" and wiggles to get down. I guess I should rejoice in the fact that I have a growing healthy little boy, but I miss the days when he would stay curled up in my arms for an hour just because he wanted to.


But at the same time I'm enjoying the new things every day. Listening to him sing along to songs in the car. Point out different animals as he spots them, and his need to help do laundry. Then there is the constant changing of his mind. He wants the night light on... no he want's it off. No it has to be on. Turn it off now!!! I know this is just a stage, as annoying as it is in the moment of his indecisiveness I think back on the 40 minute debacle sometimes and laugh. Sometimes.


This growing up stuff is going by fast. I haven't done the best job with keeping up with CJ's journal I've kept since before he was born. Things happen so fast and at the end of the day it slips my mind to note something funny he did, or said. 


I guess I just wish there was a pause button in life, or rewind. I think all parents have this wish. At the same time, I can bet I'm not the only one who wishes for a fast forward for the tantrums though...

First post of 2012

Wow, it's so weird to say 2012. My oh my how time flies. I haven't updated in a while, Christmas time usually keeps my little family busy with fun and memories to be made. 


Little Man was introduced to Nokie the Elf this year. He had so much fun running around in the mornings trying to find out what he was up to. Unfortunately a cold hit the house pretty bad right before Christmas so Nokie didn't get to enjoy as many adventures as he would have liked. We did get some pictures of the ones he did achieve though. 

Fishing for gold fish... 

Roasting marshmallows

And being attacked my dinosaurs and sabers. Now, while this may look terrible, and that it would scare the heck out of a toddler... Little Man got a kick out if it.

And on Christmas morning CJ found this note Nokie had left...

We've also had our share of desserts around the house the last month. 

We've been painting presents to give to grandparents. 

And enjoying presents Santa left!

I've also been getting to know me a little better too. As a parent it can be easy to loose yourself when you are busy taking care of others and putting your own needs to the side. I've been spending time with friends and family and my husband. I'm finding that healthy balance between being a Mom and a woman, friend, daughter and wife. It isn't easy. It's hard to feel like your not being selfish when you want time to yourself when there are so many things to do. But I'm working through that!

Me and my Hubby

I have a feeling that 2012 is going to bring a lot of big things for my little family. We will as always roll with the punches and enjoy every moment together, and with family and friends. I hope that you do the same!

The adventures of Nokie the Elf... including Nokie's night off

The adventures of Nokie the elf continue!

So we were beginning to think Nokie had calmed down a bit, we've found him doing puzzles and coloring...

One morning he was hanging upside down from the curtain rod.

And then Little Man went to stay with my parents for the night while I hosted a Mommies Night In party. It so happens Nokie enjoys his nights off...

Needless to say, after his wild night he tucked himself into a stocking for the day.

But the next day he was back to work. Nokie spotted CJ doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing from that stocking, and left Little Man a little note about it.

The adventures of Nokie the Elf, continued

The adventures of Nokie the Elf continue in our home. I knew this little Elf had a bit of a mischief up his sleeve. He's been up to a lot over the last few days... 

One morning he was chillin' out with Woody and Buzz in front of the fire. 

When Little Man gets up every morning we ask him "Where is Nokie?" and he takes off looking for him. Same thing each time he spots him, he stops dead in his tracks and stares- then laughs and removes all other toys from the scene. 

Then we found him zip-lining with a candy cane through our kitchen!

He also went joyriding on a train in our living room... along with a few friends.

He's been reading Christmas books to all CJ's buddies.

And was also seen plowing snow for Little Man's car and little people! What a helpful little Elf!

Oh my! It's snowing in my living room!

The adventures of Nokie the Elf

We recently received a visitor from the North Pole. An Elf, named Nokie (pronounced No-key). He was sent by Santa to keep an eye on Little Man to make sure he's on his best behavior in the days leading up to Christmas. Every night he will fly back to North Pole to give his report and reappear the next morning.  


So far he's just been hanging around our fireplace with the snowmen and penguins, and today he was hanging above the dinning room table from our light. I get the slight feeling that this little Elf has a mischievous side... I can't wait to see what kind of trouble he gets into around here! 

I'm going to update every few days on Nokie's antics, so check back often!

"Pick your battles"

I cannot tell you how many times I've heard the term "pick your battles" since I've become a Mother. Each day I go over the phrase in my head when Little Man is up to no good. Then I have to repeat it with every situation... evaluate, and ask myself "is this worth the fight?". 


For example, Little Man climbing onto a laundry basket and opening the screen door... yes it's worth the battle because I don't want him to fly off the basket, out the door and hit his head on the cement. Little Man pulling out the pots and pans right after I've washed and put them away... eh- not worth the battle. Little Man poking the dogs in the eyes... yeah, that's worth the battle- I would rather my dogs not go blind. Little Man pulling the lint filter out of the dryer getting lint everywhere... not worth the battle- he's just trying to help and I can easily just pick the lint off everything as annoying as it may be. 


I try to stay consistent. I still struggle with situations, some days certain things annoy more than they would on another day. I try to stay sensitive to him because sometimes he's just trying to help as much as in the long run he's doing more harm than good. There is a balance that has to be learned in letting them explore and keeping them from accidentally harming themselves or someone else. Every day brings a new challenges when you are a parent, it's very rare that you get two days exactly alike. As our children learn everyday so do we. We learn our breaking points, we learn to let go, we learn what cleaner is best at taking out nasty stains in the carpet and we also discover what lengths we go to to keep our children safe. 


I try not to give advice to other parents, I remember sometimes how badly that got under my skin. But I will say pick your battles. It can lead to less nerves being rattled and a happier you and child!

We love this time of year...

This is my favorite time of year. The chill in the air, the beautiful colors of the trees and activities to keep us busy until the real cold hits. 

We've been spending a lot of time outside enjoying the the sunny cool days. Little Man spends time digging through leaves trying to find the best to add to his pile. 

He has been loving his remote control cars he received as gifts for his birthday. He likes to the jeep off-roading through the grass and over the little bumps in the yard. It gets stuck in mud sometimes though... 

We pull out the red wagon and CJ will ride while we go for walks. Or Little Man will put things in the wagon, like his Buzz Lightyear or all the pumpkins from our porch and take them for a walk.

We didn't make it out to the Pumpkin patch this year, but the hardware store had lots of pumpkins to choose from. I think Little Man had as much fun looking at all the Fall decorations and the Christmas decorations they already had out as he would have at a pumpkin patch. We let Little Man hand paint 2 pumpkins, then he decided to paint himself as well!

He also enjoyed helping his Daddy prep another pumpkin for carving. We thought he'd be excited to reach in and pull out the "guts" of the pumpkins- but he wouldn't touch it without a spoon!

We  have been making home made decorations, like pumpkins to go in the windows, witches and spooky spiders hanging from the arches in our kitchen. 

Little Man also enjoyed decorating the house with some things we've had on hand since before he arrived.

CJ received a Buzz Lightyear costume as a present and we have been working with him on saying 

"Trick or Treat". 

We also went to see Yo Gabba Gabba! Live, and wow... what a show! Little Man had such a good time, he loved the confetti flying through the air and dancing around to some of his favorite songs. We made him a shirt to wear to the show since I had a hard time finding toddler sized YGG apparel online. 

We are heading out to a Halloween carnival this afternoon and visiting with some family in from out of town tonight. Then it will be trick or treating on Monday. Busy time of year, but it's all fun... making decorations with your children, going on leaf hunts, baking treats, and just spending time with family. I think this is why this is my favorite time of the year!