In honor of this romantic day (A LIST!)

Ok, this is way off topic for a "Mommy Blog" but I'm giving it a go anyway...


So here me and my husband are, 9 years after saying "I do". One kid, one mortgage, 2 dogs and a stack of bills. Instead of going out to celebrate our anniversary today hubby is working, and me and Little Man are attempting to make the best of this yucky summer cold. Things happen. Life happens. It's one of the great things about marriage... you learn to go with the flow. And it makes it all the more special when you do get to have time alone with your other half!


Anyway... In honor of this romantic occasion I have come up with a list of my top 15 "can I get a moment like that" romantic moments from TV and movies. Some of the moments are swoon worthy, giggle worthy and down right wanna smack your man saying "why can't you do that?!" worthy. You may or may not agree with some of the picks, so please feel free to add some of your own!


So here goes nothing...


15. The O.C. - Seth & Summer's Spiderman kiss

Any fans of the teen drama The O.C. can't forget the tormented love between Seth & Summer. Were they together? Weren't they together? Couldn't Zach just go away already? These kids just couldn't catch a break. After seeing a little boy playing with a toy horse at the airport, Summer realizes her love for Seth. She ditches her boyfriend and rushes to Cohen in a downpour ending in an unforgettable Spiderman reenacted kiss.


14. Switched At Birth- Emmett talks

Yea, I'm a sucker for the teen drama shows. Switched At Birth's Emmett is deaf, and dating Bay who is hearing. After a confusing conversation where Emmett wasn't sure if it could work with a hearing person or not he finally realizes that he does want to be with Bay. He finds her and tells her, speaking for the first time in the show.

13. Romeo & Juliet - The fish tank scene

Ah, young love. So beautiful, so tragic, so doomed. Maybe it's the beautifully sung lyrics of "Kissing You" by Des'ree. Or maybe it's Leonardo DiCaprio good looks. Who cares? What a wonderful story for the grand kids, "when I saw her through that fish tank it was love at first sight"...

well it would have been a good story for the grand kids.

12. 10 Things I Hate About You - Patrick's serenade for Kat

Heath Ledger's character Patrick, the ultimate bad boy, is attempting to show stubborn, just won't let her guard down Kat, that he ain't all that bad. This serenade made me want my husband to turn bad, just so I could tame him in hopes of getting an "I can't take my eyes off you" serenade in front of an entire ball field of people. *Swoon*.


11. One Tree Hill - Lucas & Peyton's wedding



                         

couldn't embed the actual video, here's a link http://youtu.be/vvYdjIQLwXQ

Even if you were still wishing for a Lucas & Brooke ending, you gotta admit, the writers hit it home with these vows. "Peyton Sawyer is not human, she's an angel. My angel.". and "I am so terribly in love with you." These lines are beautiful. It seriously makes me want to have a vow renewal ceremony and make my husband write his own vows.


10. A Different World- Dwyane crashes Whitley's wedding


The famous wedding scene. Whitley is about to marry the wrong guy, and Dwayne storms in. I remember watching this when I was a little girl thinking I wanted to attempt to marry the wrong guy just so the right one could crash and cry "baby please!".


9. My So Called Life- Jordan takes Angela's hand

So Angela finally has the guy she's been after. Only he wont acknowledge their relationship in front of his friends. After an ear full from Angela's BFF he finally realizes what he has and approaches in her in the hall in front of everyone and asks if they can "go somewhere". They walk off and he takes in her hand in his. Anyone remember when just holding hands was a REALLY REALLY BIG DEAL?

8. Friends- Ross & Rachel's first kiss

Ross and Rachel. First kiss. Enough said.

7. The Notebook- If you're a bird, I'm a bird

Some people might have taken this scene between Noah and Allie in The Notebook differently. Maybe you thought he was just humoring her, agreeing she was a bird and saying he was one too. To me, it was his way of saying... whatever you are, where ever you are I'm am too.

6. Love Actually - Love notes on a poster board

 
Mark's in love with Juliet. And she just so happens to be married to his best friend. So instead of pursuing, he tells her how he feels "without hope or agenda" on poster board. Love notes mixed in with a little humor. So sweet.


5. Friends - Ross & Rachel's "I got off the plane" kiss

 

After Ross professes his love for Rachel in the final episode, she still boards a plane headed out of the country. When Ross returns home, feeling defeated, he listens to an answering machine message from Rachel telling him she loves him too, and that she has to get off the plane. The message cuts off leaving Ross wondering if she got off the plane. Well, yep, she did. Leaving us with the final kiss of a couple that was meant to be together.

4. Alot Like Love- "I'll be there for you" serenade

The friends who loved each other but just couldn't get their timing right. When Oliver finds himself broke after his "5-year plan" backfires he turns to the one person who he knows will understand. With Ashton Kutcher's cutie pie face and Bon Jovi's "I'll be there for you" this is a recipe for something that will make your heart smile.

3. My So Called Life- Brian writes Angela a letter.

After Jordan screws up royally with Angela, he asks Brian for help writing a letter. Jordan is oblivious to the fact that Brian is in love with Angela. Brian reluctantly agrees to help, and writes a letter for Angela pouring his heart out, and signs it Jordan Catalano. My favorite part of the letter? "If you want to burn this letter, do it. You could burn whole world down. You could tell me to go to Hell, if you wanted to. And I'd do it. And I'd send you a letter from there.". Yep, the geek won me over on that one!

2. Twilight- Eclipse "Until your heart stops beating"

 

Sorry to all you Edward peeps out there. He doesn't make my list. But Jacob Black does! This Team Jacob girl couldn't make a romantic scenes list and not include the heart string tugging line "I'm gunna fight for you, until your heart stops beating."! I couldn't find a video of that clip of that particular line, so I found a fan made video of some of Jacob's best lines including my fav. Enjoy...

1. The Notebook- "It still isn't over"

Allie pays a visit to Noah, her first love, who she is still in love with. After confronting him about never writing her back he explains his side of the story. My favorite line in the scene is "It still isn't over.". *Swoon*

So there you have it... my list. But my all time favorite romantic video? Here is a link to an anniversary video made for my hubby a few years ago! 

Can't you ignore your family at home?

Last night while at dinner with my Mom, Sister and Aunt I happened to notice a family sit down at a booth near us. It was a Mom, Dad and what looked to be 2 1/2 year old little boy. Before they even received their drinks the parents pulled out I-Pads. The little boy just sat there looking around. The waitress came and took their order and the parents went right back to what they were doing. I don't think I heard them speak 3 words to the little boy. They received their food, and while eating were still playing on the I-Pads. At one point, the Mom even pulled out a cell phone and began laughing while she read something. The whole time the little boy just sat there, looking bored out of his mind. I couldn't believe it. What was the point in going out to dinner if they were all going to ignore each other and just play on their I-Pads and phones. Couldn't they just do that at home? I wanted so badly to go over to the table and ask if the little boy could join our table so the parents could be alone with their technology.

While I was driving home I couldn't help but still be angry at what I saw. But then I began to wonder how guilty of this I was. Sometimes at dinner I do check my email, or check in on Facebook. However it's not constant. When I'm out to dinner with my family (which is not often) I like to actually enjoy their company. If I wanted to ignore them while on my phone the entire time I could just stay home and save some money.
I happen to know many people (parents and non parents) who can't seem to put their phones down while socializing. I understand that sometimes there is something going on and we need to be kept up to date on things, or maybe we are waiting for an important email or phone call. We have all been there. However I think there is a fine line between the two situations.

I'm making a promise to myself to no longer have my phone near me when we are having meals together. My family is more important than any status update or friend request.

rediscovering my love for photography

Before I became pregnant with Little Man photography was a big hobby of mine. I loved photographing people, pets and finding the beauty in every day things I came across. I lost my groove for a while, but am finding it again!

This week I had the privilege of photographing my lovely niece Madison. I wanted to share some of the pictures, just a few of the many beautiful shots.



I am realizing how much I missed my hobby of photography, but I love that I am rediscovering it!

Maybe I am a little over protective...

Yes, I hover over Little Man while we are out and am quick to remove him from situations in the blink of an eye. Some may label me as a helicopter Mom, over protective and a constant worrier. But I have my reasons.

Recently on a trip to Monkey Joe's, the place was more crowded than usual. There were some summer camps there for the day, which included a large group of rambunctious kids. Understandably so, during the summer kids need some A/C relief where they can run, jump and play in a large area. However- this particular group of kids had me questioning if they were fed a ton of sugar each before going in. Several kids from the group who were around 7 or 8 were going crazy in the toddler area (which is for kids under 3), jumping off the sides and knocking over the smaller kids. I looked around to see if I could find a chaperons for this group after removing Little Man from the area. I couldn't find anyone so I mentioned it to someone who worked there. The employee also could not find any of the chaperons for this group. This was extremely upsetting to me. The people that work at these places are there to ensure kids are safe, they are NOT babysitters. When you bring a child to a place like this, you are supposed to watch them, or at least check in on them OFTEN! The kids were removed from the toddler area but of course came back after a while.

Who ever was dressed up in the Monkey Joe costume had my sympathy. Kids were slapping this poor person on the butt, kicking and attempting to take it's head off. Again, no adults with the group intervened. I know that kids will be kids, but after being told to stop several times by employees they still were not listening.

After Little Man was knocked out of the way a few times while trying to get up a slide we decided to play in the game area for a while. We were having fun until some kids decided to take the basketballs from CJ while he was playing the "slam dunk" game. By this point I had had enough so we headed home.

While this is just one example of why I hover over Little Man to make sure he is okay and not causing trouble, it happens almost everywhere we go. People take their kids to places and just disappear. I know adults need a break, and kids need their freedom. But can't we find a middle ground?

Summer Fun!

I hope that everyone has been enjoying the summer season so far. I am happy to say since my last post I finally found a bathing suit I could feel comfortable in. So now I am enjoying the summer big time! And, I am about to do something I thought I'd never do. Post a picture of me in the pool. Gah! Here's me and Little Man having fun at the pool yesterday.



We have been spending time at spray grounds and the pool, hanging out at the mall and going to cook outs with family. I've actually gotten a tan this summer, which I'm sorry to say has not happened since I was 16. I don't know if it's possible for your skin to change so much after pregnancy but it has. I typically burn, then I'm pale again. But so far this summer, no real burn and the tan is sticking around!

CJ has been having such a good time, and we have been on the go almost everyday.




CJ and his new Build-a-Bear



CJ enjoying a snack break by the pool



This last Sunday we took a little break and stayed home, but CJ stood at the door almost all day saying "go, go, go!". I felt bad, but also incredibly tired- it was nice to take a day and do a bunch of nothing. But we will be back to being on the go soon enough!

I also wanted to let everyone know that the book "Beyond the Diaper Bag" which features writings from real Moms (including 2 from me!) is available for purchase. I can't say enough how awesome this book is. If you are looking to find humor in the everyday routine, I would recommend this book. So go and and purchase this book, and do something good for great national non-profit chairty... 100% of the authors proceeds go to The Mommies Network!

Beyond the Diaper Bag available on Lulu.com

So THAT'S what I've been hiding all winter...

It's that time of year again... the dreaded bathing suit shopping. Ugh. I seriously think I'd rather have a tooth pulled. I've been out searching for a good swim suit, one that will support me and isn't more revealing than need be. It would also help if it was flattering. No luck yet. I'm sure tons of women agree with me that standing in the dressing room mirror at the begining of swim suit season kind of makes you want to cry. Your looking at yourself in the swim suit thinking "So THAT'S what I've been hiding all winter".

We got a small pool for the backyard for Little Man, which we have all ended up enjoying. I've been hanging out in the back yard in my bathing suit from 2 years ago- which is maternity. Not exactly something I'd wonder out of the privacy of our back yard in. We also recently joined the Y and they have an awesome water park for toddlers. I've been so excited to take Little Man, which is why I've been so frantic to find a suit I'm comfortable in. After several days of non stop looking through racks, finding something I think will work, and being dissappointed, I am going to give it a rest for a few days and try again next week.

So to all you ladies out there struggling to find that perfect swim suit, know your not alone. Good luck to you in your travels from store to store, I hope you find something quicker than me! And to the rest of the ladies who fit perfectly in that itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini- I hope you get sand stuck in your suit :)
                                                    just kidding.

A BIG Thank you

I have been overwhelmed (in a good way) by all of the emails, phone calls, comments, and text messages received after I posted my previous blog entry "Is He Gone". I first want to say thank you for all of your kind words of encouragement, your prayers and your warm thoughts for CJ and our family. Much of our family and friends were really there for us and it assured me that in the future no matter the situation, we will always have people to "lean on".

I also wanted to send out a huge thank you to those who responded to the 911 call that day, as well as the staff at the hospital. It amazes me how strangers can sympathize with your situation and even when your having a mini break down can somehow always say the right things to calm you down.

After the post I received a few emails with questions on how CJ was, and questions about things that happened that day...

First, CJ is 110% better! He is back to his happy, hyper dare devil kid and we have not had any more bouts of fever. I still check on him SEVERAL times a night, and I sure this will continue for a while. And yes, I have maybe gone a little overboard with the wet wipes, but I am doing everything I can and more to ensure the germs stay away from us!
Now to answer a few questions- first being regarding the situation with CJ not breathing during/after the seizure. Like I said in the post, he was eating Cheerios. It is possible that when the seizure started he began to choke, it could have been stuck in his throat and later swallowed- I really don't know. According to all of the research I have done a febrile seizure alone should not cause a child to stop breathing, HOWEVER- all research states to place the child on their side to ensure they do not choke if they vomit, as well as making sure they don't have anything in their mouth. Now when the seizure began I didn't know that was what was happening and I didn't do any of that. So to answer the question of why he stopped breathing- I don't know. I do however know the steps to take if this ever happens again.
Another question I received was why I didn't give CJ a dosage of Tylenol when his fever was rising so rapidly. The reason is, I called the pediatricians office and spoke to a nurse. She actually told me she has many parents call her and say that they do the Tylenol/Motrin every 4 hours dose and this is not something she would recommend. This is why he was not given any more medication before we reached the hospital. The hospital staff ensured us in instances like this, when a fever is so persistent- Tylenol/Motrin every 4 hours is okay. (PLEASE NOTE I AM NOT RECOMMENDING YOU DO THIS WITH YOUR CHILD, PLEASE TALK TO YOUR CHILD'S DOCTOR REGARDING MEDICATIONS!!!) I brought this up to our actual pediatrician when we followed up with her and she stated she would speak with the nurse about the whole situation.

I know that some people have shrugged this off as not a big deal, and may think I'm dwelling on this. People are welcome to think this if they wish. To me it was and still is a big deal. But I am not dwelling on what could have happened anymore. If anything it has helped me to not put off things for later, because you never know when later wont happen. I want to take every advantage to have fun with my Little Man. I am trying to plan that trip to the zoo, and maybe HOPEFULLY that trip to the beach later this year. We've been enjoying time with friends at birthday parties, enjoying playing at the park and at Monkey Joe's. Enjoying family time, movies and ice cream. We are saying less "maybe we will do that tomorrow." and more "ok let's get ready now!!!".

And no, I am still not completely over what happened. I still think of everything I could have done differently to prevent what happened, but like I said- I'm not dwelling on what could have happened. I am preparing myself for the fact that it may happen again.

Thanks again to everyone for your love. We are so very lucky so have so many great people in our lives, and I hope you all know how very much you mean to us!

Here are some pictures since Little Man's been feeling better... back to his silly little self! And please excuse the drool, he's cutting some molars!



"Is he gone"

There are questions that a parent never wants to answer about their child. The most terrifying question I've ever been asked is "is he gone?". Even more terrifying, not knowing the answer.

I was faced with this question this past Wednesday.

I woke up Wednesday morning and looked at the clock. 8:30am, and Little Man was still asleep. A bit odd for him, as he likes to rise with the sun. I went in to check on him and he was awake but just laying there. No smiles, just laying passing his Sofie the giraffe between his hands. I felt his forehead and could feel the heat, checked his temperature and it read 99.9. I gave his pediatricians office a call so I could bring him in that morning. I was concerned because he has been battling an ear infection that would not seem to go away. We set the appointment for 9:45am. I gave my Mom a call to let her know what was going on, and she offered to go to the store and get whatever medicines he may need so I wouldn't have to worry about it. I told her I'd give her a call after we left the doctors office and we would just go from there. I quickly got CJ out of the bed and dressed, got myself dressed then packed up a banana and english muffin with some water for him to have on the way to the doctors office. He was a bit fussy on the way, only taking a few small bites of the banana and maybe one or two sips of his water. The doctor checked CJ out, noticing that his ear was still infected and that his throat was a bit inflamed. His temperature had also risen to 100. They gave me a new prescription for his ear, gave him a dose of Motrin and sent us on our way after saying he more than likely had a viral infection, and Motrin should clear up the fever.

Things fall into place.

I called my Mom on the way out to let her know I was just going to go ahead and run to the store myself to get the new prescription and some Tylenol and Motrin. She insisted she didn't mind, she was already dressed and ready to go so I headed home instead. CJ began to cry while we were stopped at a light, I turned around just as he was vomiting the small bites of banana and Motrin. It was a good thing I decided to go home instead of the store. When we got home I changed CJ's clothes, wiped him down and offered him some cheerios while he cuddled up on the couch to watch some cartoons. I gave the pediatrician's office a call to let them know he had thrown up the Motrin and that I was concerned that none had gotten into his system. The nurse I talked with said that was a tricky scenario, it's hard to tell how much of the medicine actually got into him and we needed to be careful about over dosing him- I should just wait until the next scheduling dosing time. She told me to just keep a close eye on him, keep him hydrated and to call with any other questions or changes. My Mom showed up with meds in hand and some cute little books to try to cheer up Little Man. He was in and out of naps and drinking water more and only seemed interested in eating cheerios and crackers.

Just in case.

At about 2:30 or so my Mom decided to go ahead and go. I asked her to please stay just in case something happened, I didn't want to be here by myself. I'm not sure why I asked her to stay, I guess this is where Mommy's premonition comes into play. Jimmy was in a training class for work and should be home at about 4:30 or so. She decided to stay until he got home, I think for peace of mind for me. CJ woke from a nap and was very shaky. Shaking from head to toe. He is usually shaky when he wakes up so at first I didn't think anything about it. 20 minutes go by and he is starting to burn up, shaking uncontrollably. But he is babbling to us and eating some cheerios. I checked his temperature... 103. I called the pediatrician's office back, worried about the rising fever and the shaking. I let them know what was going on, and reminded them that he had thrown up the Motrin from the morning. They asked me if he was coherent, yes. Did he seem confused? No. Did he seem to not know where he was? No, he knew where he was. The nurse again said we needed to be careful of over dosing him, and to hold off on more meds until the next dosing time- 4pm. She said he was probably cold, to try covering him up and maybe putting a cold rag on his head. I hung up with the nurse and got the cold rag and sat back down with my Little Man. The heat from his legs and arms was horrible, but he was still babbling to us and was eating the cheerios I offered to him.

Take me not him.

At about 3:15 or 3:30 I was still sitting on the couch with Little Man, my Mom was trying to call my Dad to let him know she'd be here until Jimmy got home. CJ was touching my nose, smiling and still munching on some cheerios. Then it happened. His eyes rolled into the back of his head, his body stretched out and his face twisted up into the most horrific way. He began to have convulsions. I picked CJ up into my arms screaming his name and screaming for my Mom to call 911. I couldn't see his beautiful eyes. His tongue was out of his mouth and he was jerking his head up and down gasping for breath. I didn't know what was happening to my baby. I was screaming "what do I do, I don't know what to do". I could hear my Mom on the phone with the 911 operator between my cries for them to please hurry. My Mom yelled to me to put a cold rag on his face. I ran into the bathroom grabbed a rag and barely wet it before putting it on his face and tried to hold it there with my cheek. I went down on my knees with my baby in my arms jerking uncontrollably and said over and over "Jesus take me not him, not him please not him". Why wasn't the ambulance here yet? Please someone help my baby! Then the jerking stopped and his body went limp and his head went back. He was not breathing.
I don't remember how much time passed. It feels like 3 hours. There were so many thoughts racing in my mind. He hasn't even been to the zoo yet. He hasn't been to beach. He hasn't had a chance to go fishing with his daddy. Never been to the movies. We wanted to take him to Disney World. Teach him to ride a bike...
My son's mouth was turning blue. I yelled to my Mom that he was not breathing please ask them what I do?! He's just a baby. My baby. My Mom told the operator that he was not breathing and that his lips were turning blue. My baby wasn't moving. He wasn't breathing.

I was screaming, NO. NO. NO. 

Then that question... "Is he gone?"

I was holding my baby in my arms. No breath. I will never forget that feeling, the heartbreak of not knowing if my child was alive or not. I thought I was holding my dead son. I said "I don't know".
Helplessness...
I didn't know what to do. I yelled for my Mom to ask if I should do CPR. I didn't even wait for an answer before laying him on the floor, my little baby's still body. So small, so innocent, my beautiful son that I dreamed of for years before we were blessed with his birth. He didn't deserve this. I prayed for the Lord to keep him, and to take me. I couldn't loose my baby. My husband could not loose his son. I tilted his head back and blew into his mouth just once and sat up. I stared at CJ, it felt like an eternity. This was my son, my baby boy. He couldn't be gone. Then I heard a sickening gurgling sound and saw his chest rise. I picked him up as fast as my shaking arms would allow. I was crying hysterically and still screaming his name and for him to please look at me. My Mom came over and tried to keep me quiet so she could tell the operator every time she felt a breath from CJ. She said it a few times, I remember, breath... breath... breath. Just as the fire truck pulled up my baby let out a heartbreaking cry. I'll never forget that cry. I think he was telling us, "I'm still here".

Is he okay?

Everything was a blur from there. Someone had me lay him on the couch. They were asking me questions I didn't know the answers to. Was my baby okay? Is he going to be okay? That's all I wanted to know. CJ was crying loudly as they put the oxygen mask on him. I was shaking, holding onto the back of the couch to keep from falling over. Why were they asking so many questions? Just please take him to the hospital, make sure he's okay. Someone asked me where his carseat was, they needed to put in on the stretcher in the ambulance. My Mom was telling me she couldn't get Jimmy to answer his phone. I told her she needed to call his work phone, the number was in my phone. They told me to get CJ a bag together. My Mom said she couldn't find my phone. I couldn't find it either. Someone was holding CJ as I was flipping over couch cushions looking for diapers, his shorts, my phone. I finally found it and called Jimmy's work phone. He answered with a frantic "what's going on". I cried we're going to the hospital CJ's going to the hospital before my Mom took the phone to explain. I was too shaken up. They handed me my baby and I could barely hold myself together enough to even hold him. I was scared I'd hurt him. I carried him to the stretcher and tried to show a medic how the straps of his carseat worked. My baby still wasn't looking at me, he was sobbing, I was sobbing. Someone was explaining to me that he had a febrile seizure. I didn't know what that meant at the time. Nothing was making sense. All I knew was something was wrong with my baby. In the ambulance I tried to sing "You are my sunshine" to CJ to calm him down. The medic riding in the back was attempting to calm me down too. She was asking lots of questions and I tried to answer the best I could. I remember her saying to me "I understand this is scary, I'd be scared too if it were my child, he's going to be okay". I just wanted him to look at me, to know I was there. When we finally got to the hospital I got sick several times before even exiting the ambulance. In the hospital room I remember them telling me his temperature was 104.5. They gave him a suppository to bring his fever down. He finally looked at me after he calmed down a bit. I still remember that look of Mom what's happening? So confused. I had my hand on his and told him how much I loved him. Jimmy came into the room and I broke down again as he hugged me then went to CJ. A doctor came in to explain what a febrile seizure was. He told us it was more common than people realize and that CJ would  be just fine. A nurse came in to do some blood work and I left CJ in his Daddy's capable strong hands and excused myself to the bathroom to splash some water on my face.

We came home with CJ that night. As soon as we got into the house CJ went to his high chair to let us know he was hungry. He munched on some crackers and drank some water and pedialyte. He had some energy for a while and was ready for some sleep at about 1am. Me and Jimmy camped out in his room that night to keep a close eye on him. I slept in there the next night. 

I am happy to say that Little Man is doing a lot better now. He has his appetite, humor and some energy back. He's not 100% back to his old self, but getting there. Were still battling to keep the fever away, and neither me or his Daddy are sleeping well yet. I still have the images of that day in my brain. I am praying that they go away, I don't want to remember him like that. I want to see ONLY how he is now. But I don't think a Mother ever gets over the feeling of not being able to help their child. 

Looking back on that day I see how things lined up to happen the way they did. I am grateful my Mom came over that morning instead of staying home like I told her to. I am grateful my Mom stayed after I had a gut feeling I would need her. I am thankful to God for my Mom's strength while I didn't know what was happening to my baby. If she hadn't had been there I don't know what I would have done, not knowing exactly where my phone was to call for help. I am thankful for my husband being a rock while I am a still not over this. I am thankful for my Mother-in-Law who prayed and prayed for our Little Man. I am thankful for all our amazing family and friends. Eternally grateful for those that came to the hospital out of concern for all of us. Blessed with the phone calls and prayers that we received. It is safe to say that I have a renewed faith now. I am learning to leave things in God's hands and trust his plan.

Several people think that maybe he choked on a cheerio when the seizure started... they say that that one simple breath into his mouth saved him. I don't know if this is the case- or how that could be, but I do know the steps to take now in the future. A child that has one febrile seizure is more prone to have them in the future, and will eventually outgrow them before kindergarten age. 

I don't think I will ever get over what happened. I will never get over the feeling of not being able to answer the question of "is he gone"? I will never get over the thought of holding an angel who had gone on.
But I am counting my blessings that he is still here.

The best things in life are not things...

Sun shine on my face
wind in my hair
as I fly high in my swing
Ice cream cones to spare

Dogs barking, birds chirping
soft grass under my feet
cool April breeze
I laugh as the bubbles Daddy blows disappear on the concrete

Mommy wonders if I'll remember these precious moments
this simple day
maybe in the future it will come back to me
that I once had no care in the world, only time to play

The best things in life are not things
The best are people- family and friends
all of God's gifts
the sun that warms my world
the soft breeze that kisses my cheeks
sharing cheerios with a friend
pure innocence...


The best things are not things at all, they are gifts.
This is my world, and my Mommy's Faith.

Getting to know God

CJ has some very strict rules about what books he wants to be read to him. We have a routine at bedtime, he picks out the books, usually 4 or 5 a night, and we plop down on the floor and read them. His typical favorites are books that have 3 or 4 sentences a page, and big bright interesting pictures. Anything that requires us to stay on one page for too long and he's done, on his way to find another book. However there is one book, 'My Little Golden book About God', that he seems to love. It's pages are not as bright and colorful as his others, and most pages have a lot of words. But he sits and listens, looking over the pages carefully, very interested in this book. It always make me smile when I read this to him.

Maybe I am the type who looks for signs far too often. But when I read to Little Man about God, he always seems to listen with such interest, I have to wonder if it's because somewhere deep down, he knows how important it is. We do not go to church, but that doesn't mean that we don't have our beliefs. Religion is an important part of my life, and I hope that it is for Little Man as well. It is my intention to teach him about faith and hope and forgiveness. Compassion and humility. The power of a prayer, and believing in something bigger than this world we know.

I enjoy reading to my Little Man, and enjoy it even more when I know he is learning something so important.