Wednesday, March 21, 2012

taking a toll on me...

Stress is taking a huge toll on me. Stress, just plain stress. From every point it could possibly come from, it's coming at me. I can physically feel it in my body. As hard as I try to let it just roll off my back I feel like my brain is wired to continue to stress. I am fighting with myself daily trying to make the right decisions for my family. My heart and mind are fighting, my heart tells me one thing- and my mind another. 

I find most days while as I'm putting Little Man's dinner on the table that I have not ate at all that day. I just forget to do it. 

I hear people say, don't worry about tomorrow focus on today. Why can't I do this? These are words I TRY to live by. I don't want to constantly worry. But how can I not?

I want to go on vacation so badly with my family- to just get away for a couple of days. Have no worries. But the reality is that it's not going to happen. Then I feel guilty for being upset that we can't get away for a few days. People are struggling just to live and I am upset about not being able to take a vacation. Back to the stress. Am I not a good person? 

It's getting harder to enjoy the moment. Because I'm focusing on the next. This is not how I want to be. This is NOT how I want my son to grow up. 

Just had to get that out.