not the same as before

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.”

~ Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

A friend sent the quote above to me when I had CJ. I don't think she realizes the impact that quote had on me, and has stuck with me since.

Maybe it's the cold medicine I'm on, but I feel the need to get deep for a moment.

Before I became a mother I wondered often what my purpose was. I felt like I hadn't found "me" yet. I didn't go to college or travel, nothing exciting like that. I thought I'd never have an impact on the world or matter in any way. Then I had Little Man. The first time I held him, in that very second in time- I knew EXACTLY why I was here. I looked at his beautiful innocent face and every label, bad decision, and stupid mistake that I had ever made just melted away. I was a Mother. He was my purpose. I was not the same person as before. On many levels.

I have gone very deep with the thought of bringing up another person in this world. I am responsible for this life, and the impact he will have on the world. Thinking back upon this I understood that my impact was in fact HIS impact. I matter because HE matters.

I know there is still some of the old me in here. Its as if I'm "new and improved"! I do miss some of the old me perks- like sleeping in on the weekends, having a drink whenever I wanted, and having a couch free of cookie finger prints. But those finger prints always serve to remind me why I am here.

So no, I am not the same woman I was before I became a Mother. I am a better version of me. For this I will always be grateful to my son.

Thanks again Stacie, for the quote. I hope you now know how much it meant to me.