Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A sad moment...

Slowly but surely all of Little Man's baby things have been put away out of sight. The bassinet, swing, excer-saucer, beloved ducky tub and bouncy chair.

We recently proofed his bedroom and put some of his toys back there so he could play in his room, and the living room would maybe not look so much like a toy bin exploded. I began to put away the baskets I received at the baby shower, that said "baby", because he is not a baby anymore.

My Little Man is becoming a full-fleged toddler and I want his room to reflect this. But it still makes me sad. I look at pictures of him as a newborn often and wonder where the time went. Didn't I just give birth to him yesterday? Wasn't I just pregnant a few days ago?! I remember when we introduced him to a spoon, or at least tried to. He hated it, and didn't want a thing to do with it. I told my husband "he will never get this". And now, he holds the spoon by himself. There were times when I tried to rush his "milestones", like trying to get him to hold his own bottle and the excitement of him sleeping in his crib and not in the bassinet next to the bed. Looking back, I should not have rushed things. While I cherished the moments, I should have attempted to keep him a little baby as long as I could. Everyone warned me how fast everything would go by. I miss the days when he would snuggle in the bed with me first thing in the morning and we would both drift back off to sleep because I didn't have to worry about him rolling off the bed. Now he purposely tries to do this.
Last night after doing the dishes I turned off the water and noticed the strange quiet. In this house, unless CJ is napping silence only means trouble. I went in search of Little Man. He wasn't in the living room, not in the dining room. I checked his room, didn't see him. I started to panic. I called my husband and when he didn't answer I checked everywhere again. I started to hyperventilate a little, and was just about to dial 911, then heard a little giggle from his room. I went in, looked around and still didn't see him. Another giggle. I stood still and held my breath and then I saw the glider move. He was hiding behind the glider! He had never done this before... EVER. I slid the glider out of the way picked him up and hugged him, thankful first that some crazy person hadn't broken into the house without my knowing and taken my baby and second, that I didn't call 911 before I found him for fear of utter embarrassment. When I sat him back down he took off for the glider again, climbed into it and was rocking back and forth while standing up. I knew at that moment, it was the end of the glider in Little Man's room. The last remaining item that reminded me of CJ's infancy.

As I pushed the glider out of his room into ours my heart was heavy. It was a sad moment in time for me, realizing that the big picture was that my son was becoming a toddler, then he would be a preschooler, and go on to grade school, junior high, high school, college and will be an adult before I know it. I looked back to see CJ turning over his toy ottoman to climb onto. My baby while still there in my mind and heart, was no longer a baby. He was growing up. So now I will try even harder to cherish these toddler years. Hold his hand a little longer while he will let me, give bigger hugs, build weird things with blocks and carry him further. Because all too soon he will not need to hold my hand, it wont be cool to give mom hugs, blocks will be replaced with a video game, and he will be too big for me carry.


  1. For me, it was when I put away the clothes she had grown out of for the first time. I couldn't believe she would never wear them again. Milestones are definitely bittersweet!

    I love re-living these kind of mothering moments through others, as I have forgotten about so much as time moves so quickly. It's nice to have my memory refreshed, even about the bittersweet moments :)

  2. Awww I feel the same way. My little guy is about to turn 2. It's so sad.

    Your blog had me tear up. :)